It's what has gotten me thru the past 9 months and continues to get me thru each day.


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"As it Was"

 Almost 6 years later and I'm still saying to myself, "After this test I'll be able to put cancer out of my mind", "After this doctor visit... after I get this pain checked...". Right now I'm waiting for the results of my most current MRI. I had one on my neck because of some numbness in my hands when I'm laying down and today I had to have on my back, middle and lower because of some out of the blue back pain. I had my first colonoscopy and it came back clear as clear can be. No polyps or anything. I expected a free and clear but shortly after I started having back pain that didn't come from an injury or anything. So... now I wait for more results and I keep busy and try to not worry. It's interesting how you keep thinking, "I wonder if it will come back?" and it either does or it doesn't.   I do know that when I'm stressed out it's worse. It's all worse, the IBS, the back pain, the racing heart, the blood pressure....
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My "Cancer Card" Expired

For those cancer survivors out there, did you ever feel like there was a moment when your "Cancer Card" expired? At first thought it sounds like it would be a good thing. Oh, my cancer card expired, I'm back to being one of the "normal" people. You'd never know I had cancer and went thru hell because my hair has grown back, I've gained back the weight I lost during all that chemo and those 5 surgeries. But for me, there were those people who were only nice to me because I "was the one who had cancer' The mean people at work or at the kids school who were mean to everyone but for some reason were not mean to me. I found out it was because I was the "one who had cancer' and if they were mean to me it would make them look like the assholes they really were. I don't use that word often or lightly.  So, about midnight last night I guess my "cancer card" expired because the jerk at work decided to target me about that time. I d...
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Embrace your community. Even Batman knew he needed the Justice League, you don't have to Move this Mountain on your own.

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You look at photos of before the mountain was even there. 3 years ago today I had a beautiful 8 week old baby girl. She was our most wonderful surprise. We had to try for a long time with each of our older girls but this one was an amazing gift we weren't expecting. Our "Bonus Baby" as we started to call her. I look at this photo and I can feel the feelings I was having at this time. I was overwhelmed by suddenly being a #momofthree of course but in these moments when it was just me and her things were sweet and simple. Shortly after this is when the random pains begun in my left breast. I just thought it was an inflamed milk duct so I worked thru the little electric shocks I would get here and there. Being a 3rd time mom doesn't make you an expert by any means. It's different every time. The one thing that is different is that you have even less time to worry about yourself and some little pain that just comes and goes with no rhyme or reason. Eventually when t...
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