Hope Moves Mountains

For those cancer survivors out there, did you ever feel like there was a moment when your "Cancer Card" expired? At first thought it sounds like it would be a good thing. Oh, my cancer card expired, I'm back to being one of the "normal" people. You'd never know I had cancer and went thru hell because my hair has grown back, I've gained back the weight I lost during all that chemo and those 5 surgeries. But for me, there were those people who were only nice to me because I "was the one who had cancer' The mean people at work or at the kids school who were mean to everyone but for some reason were not mean to me. I found out it was because I was the "one who had cancer' and if they were mean to me it would make them look like the assholes they really were. I don't use that word often or lightly.  So, about midnight last night I guess my "cancer card" expired because the jerk at work decided to target me about that time. I d

Today I got to take over Stand Up 2 Cancers Instagram Story page. It was really great getting to tell my story and partner with not only Stand Up 2 Cancer but with Beautycounter as well. They are working together this month to raise money for Stand Up 2 Cancer. I am so excited to be able to tell my story and add another experience to my story. I hope someone gets to see it and feel inspired because I really believe that Hope Moves Mountains. You can donate to SU2C by going to my www.CrowdRise.com/tonyapeat page. You can also order Beautycounter products thru my web site and select my "Social On A Mission" and a % of the sales will be donated to Stand Up 2 Cancer.

This time 2 years ago I was gearing up for my birthday and also my 3rd and biggest surgery. The “Lat flap” surgery that took 8 hours and had me in 3 or 4 different positions on the operating table. It involved taking skin and muscle from my back and nerves still in tact moving it around to the front to make a patch so I would have enough room to put in an expander and later an implant. When they did my mascetomy the mass was bigger than they thought and there wasn't enough room to put the expander for reconstruction. I had one expander on the right and flat on the left for 7 months. It is amazing what you can get used to as your new normal. I had a little pillow that I put in the left side when I went out but at home I wouldn't use it. I have photos where you can see the difference. I wanted to have some photos of what was real. The reality was that I lived with just one breast for 7 months. I never felt like a part of me had been "amputated" I saw it as the surgeon h

It was my first check up with my oncologist after I had finished chemo. I sat in the waiting room waiting my turn. I was sitting next to this woman with spiral blond hair. We struck up a conversation, she said she was sorry to tell me but she was there because her cancer had come back. We talked for a while and she told me about a group that she had founded called Mommys with Cancer. I had seen the flyer, I had even saved it in the file on my desk but hadn't had the courage to call and come to a meeting. It was a sign. After talking to her I attended the next meeting and have been going to the group ever since. This support group has meant so much to me. There is nothing like being able to talk about what is going on with your body than with someone who is or has gone thru the same thing. The emotional toll it all takes is unlike anything you will ever go thru. Being able to sit at the table with all these amazing women, some who have been cancer free for years and some who are jus

This is a continuation of my last post in that it talks about embracing your community. My first visit with my "Team" at UCLA was like running a marathon. We arrived at the hospital at 7 AM to see my surgical oncologist. I had researched her in advance and knew she was the Director of the Revlon Breast Center and she was a "world-renouned surgical oncologist"  words I made sure to use when telling my parents I had breast cancer hoping to ease their worry. I also met with my reconstructive surgeon who would turn out to be a great person and not just an amazing surgeon. I remember sitting in the room after he left thinking "He doesn't have to be my best friend, he just has to do a good job." The first visit with him I felt like a deer in the head lights and apparently my left headlight was a lot bigger than my right because he asked me "Has your left breast always been that much bigger than the left, or is the tumor?" Me: "Um... it's b

You look at photos of before the mountain was even there. 3 years ago today I had a beautiful 8 week old baby girl. She was our most wonderful surprise. We had to try for a long time with each of our older girls but this one was an amazing gift we weren't expecting. Our "Bonus Baby" as we started to call her. I look at this photo and I can feel the feelings I was having at this time. I was overwhelmed by suddenly being a #momofthree of course but in these moments when it was just me and her things were sweet and simple. Shortly after this is when the random pains begun in my left breast. I just thought it was an inflamed milk duct so I worked thru the little electric shocks I would get here and there. Being a 3rd time mom doesn't make you an expert by any means. It's different every time. The one thing that is different is that you have even less time to worry about yourself and some little pain that just comes and goes with no rhyme or reason. Eventually when t

 2 years ago. I had had my gallbladder out and ended up back in the ER because of intense pain. I remember checking into the ER and I had to keep talking my self out of passing out from the pain. I told the woman behind the glass, I just had surgery this morning and I've had a bi-lateral mastectomy, 3 babies and this was the worst pain out of it all. I spent 3 days in the hospital and at one point my doctor came to see me and asked how I was feeling. He said "Your smiling, but your always smiling." That was me, my theory was to "Just Keep Smiling" My hair was really starting to grow back and I was gearing up for my biggest surgery. You would think the first was the biggest but the rebuilding process proved more complicated. I earned my wings, my cape and a fast pass thru the pearly gates the past couple of years. For someone who had never had surgery before having 5 in one year was crazy. I am really trying to hold on to the memory of right before I fell asleep

I will have a web site soon that will combine all the different elements of #MyStory and I will finally get to start telling my story. My web site will be HopeMovesMountians.com and TonyaPeat.com so visit! I want it to be a central area for all the resources, inspiration and this blog.  Right now I want to tell you about something I am calling my Beautycounter Passion. When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I went thru so many tests and met with so many doctors and everything I read listed the risk factors for breast cancer. I had none. One thing I did know is that I had no idea what ingredients were in the make up and skin care products I had been using the past 15 years for the make up and even longer for the skin care products. After some research I found out that the make up including lip stick and lip gloss that I couldn't live with out had known cancer causing ingredients in it. It became my mission to switch my family and myself over to safe products. A friend sent me a

When I was at my biopsy to find out if I had cancer. The doctor could tell by looking at the screen that it was cancer she was looking at. The mass was really big, so big in fact that I would find out later that my doctor and even the radiologist was really scared for me. The mass was 11.5cm. The doctor said "I want you to have Hope, there is a lot we can do for you." I said, "Of course I have Hope, I have 3 kids, I'm not going anywhere." Once I was able to tell my family members I started sharing my news with my friends and community. People started praying for me and because I was open to receiving prayers I believe a miracle happened. The morning of my first surgery, my bilateral mascetomay as I walked into the hospital I looked around and I felt like there should be music playing. I felt all the prayers and the love and positive energy filling my body and soul. It was an incredible experience. I even had nuns around the world praying for me at that exact mom

I'm starting to gather my thoughts for my story. Should I go in chronological order? Start with a significant moment and then go back and work my way to that moment? Write it pure facts or make it mixed with fiction? Change the names to protect the sensitive?  So much information, so many dramatic events. Maybe I should just make a list of the most memorable moments and then go from there.  I was born, passed around, given up, taken in, sick, taken advantage of, self counscience, the new kid, the made fun of, the fastest, invisible, in love, played, devastated, heartbroken, loss, hopeful, in love, married, reality, disappointed, labor, soulmate, separate ways, keep trying, joy, surprise, bonus, cancer, fight, fight, fight, champion, Stand Up 2 Cancer, emergency surgery, horror, survivor, new beginnings, family, growing, love, Mountains Moved!

I am finding that I have less and less space in my brain.  Today at work I was trying to come up with the word to describe when you brown meat on all sides and then set it aside to later add it back into soup. I still can't think of what the word is but I guess I'll just have to live with it. Having 3 kids, 4 rounds of chemo and taking Tamoxifen. My brain feels like someone whitewashed it. Like painted but watered down.  I made a decision the other day to give up Stella & Dot to focus on writing. I have had these stories in my mind for 20 years and now that I have survived Breast Cancer it's time to start putting my thoughts and experiences together in some organized fashion. I remember when I was first diagnosed one of the nurses told me to write everything down. I wish I had done a better job and now I vow to go back and get it down. Doing the Stand Up 2 Cancer PSA was a moment too that told me this is important, you can be there for others going thru what you did